Anxiety is made up of a core feeling - always feeling you should be doing something.
You are inked with that feeling that something is not right. That something could be done, better, to improve what's already at hand. It's the feeling of jumbly nerves that gets up and start pacing up and down the rooms, for reasons you aren't exactly sure of because emotions are confusing that way.
You feel unsettled; something is not right, something you must fix. You pound your head relentlessly for something that will make you feel better. 'Was it my work earlier? Did i not submit it on time? Will they think badly of me?'
And these go round and round in your head.
Round and round in my head.
I constantly uestion myself: Is it enough?
The answer is almost never yes, and I continue to refuse to give myself the validation I so desperately need. Why do I refrain from telling myself that I am good enough?
And from then on I think less of myself. That I am lesser of a person compared to others because of this fake belief. Which then birthes the tyrant of the mind.
Hell should have emphasized a little more on their visitation board--
IN THE DEEPEST PIT LIES THE MOST LOATHSOME MONSTER : ANXIETY.
Months of self-doubt, years of insecurity, and unfair bouts of comparison. I always thought that I should be doing more. That if I settled, I wasn't working hard enough. Lazy. Ignorant. Choosing to be less.
But it's not what thoughts that rule my head that dictated my value; its the actions I took.
And what happened was that I did it. I ran over what I achieved instead of what I had lost. Simple, but that mindset change showed I wasn't completely a useless sack of potatoes after all. And it was the tiniest things-- like borrowing your friends loose change, checking if they're home safe, cooking for your parents, getting them a random gift. Those small things helped shape my own personality. They became parts that stuck.
And thus is how I used it to escape my cycle of self-abuse-- a cycle I myself created, ironically.
So the next time Anxiety comes to visit, you can ask her/him: I acknowledge that you are here because of ____, but **I have helped them before and it's all right.**
**Your own positive memory.** And tell yourself that you are good enough.
